Sometimes, we can say things to people with OCD that are insensitive without even realising it. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder manifests in various ways, and severe cases can leave people powerless, anxious, and depressed. Things like, “You don’t look like you have OCD”, or “It’s all in your head” are some examples of things not to say to someone with OCD.
The Queensland Brain Institute estimates that about 3% of people (more than 500,000) in Australia will struggle with OCD within their lifetime. Many of these individuals don’t seek treatment, and look for empathy from friends and family instead. If you know someone with OCD, it’s good to know what NOT to say to them to remain sensitive and empathetic to their struggle.
At Neuralia TMS, we offer non-invasive, drug free treatments for OCD. We also help many patients who struggle with OCD, and have compiled a list of eight phrases you can avoid when speaking to someone you know with this condition.
Key Takeaways
- People with OCD require patience and compassion from their loved ones.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder brings intrusive thoughts (obsessions) into the mind of the person who has the condition, which lead to repetitive acts (compulsions).
- People with OCD often feel a lack of control over their thoughts and emotions.
- TMS has proven to be an effective treatment strategy for those with OCD.
8 Things Not to Say to Someone with OCD
8 things to avoid saying to someone with OCD include phrases like:
- Everyone is a little OCD sometimes
- Just ignore it
- Why don’t you just relax?
- At least your house is clean
- Aren’t you cured yet?
- Stop overreacting
- Just be more positive
- You’re just doing this for attention
Let’s look at each of these more closely and explain why these comments and questions can be perceived as insensitive.
1. Everyone is a Little OCD Sometimes
This comment makes it seem as if OCD is nothing more than a personality quirk. However, OCD is actually a mental health condition that can make it very difficult to perform daily tasks. To say that everyone is a little OCD every once in a while minimises the seriousness of the condition.
2. Just Ignore it
OCD manifests itself in intrusive thoughts (obsessions). These cannot simply be ignored. Telling someone to ignore their obsessions and/or compulsive behaviour isn’t helpful because it invalidates what they are going through. It’s better to offer your help and let the person know that you empathise with them.
3. Why don’t You Just Relax?
Obsessive compulsive disorder is, in many ways, the antithesis of relaxation. Telling someone to just relax implies that they have a choice in feeling the way they do. In actuality, the person will feel very out of control.
4. At Least Your House is Clean
OCD is more than just a compulsion to tidy up all the time. Many people with severe OCD actually never clean their houses, because they are fearful of not doing it properly. This can result in a messy house, like dishes that have piled up or laundry that never gets done. Statements like this also minimise the person’s experience.
5. Aren’t You Cured Yet?
Curing OCD isn’t always as simple as taking some medication or going for a quick therapy session. It’s a complex mental health condition that often requires months or years of treatment and practising coping strategies. Treatment for OCD isn’t always a quick fix.
6. Stop Overreacting
Remember that a person with OCD feels out of control. Telling them to stop overreacting isn’t helpful, because if they could control their emotions, they would. Intrusive thoughts can’t always be dismissed as easily as we might think. Statements like this also invalidate the person’s feelings, which often leads to negative self-talk, insecurity, and ruminating – all of which will make the person’s OCD compulsions worse.
7. Just Be More Positive
OCD is not just about thinking negative thoughts. Instead of telling someone to be more positive, offer them some help, and recognise that they can’t always control how they think or feel.
8. You’re just doing this for Attention
People with OCD are often embarrassed about the condition. So, it’s not likely that they will broadcast it to everyone as a means to seek attention. Be more sensitive and realise that they are not choosing to feel this way.
Here are some ways you can be more sensitive to someone with OCD:
| Things Not to Say | Why It’s Insensitive | Better Alternative |
|---|---|---|
| “Everyone is a little OCD sometimes.” | Minimises the condition and misrepresents it as a personality trait | “I understand that OCD is a serious mental health condition, not a quirk.” |
| “Just ignore it.” | OCD compulsions are difficult to control and can’t just be switched off | “I know this must be hard for you. How can I help?” |
| “Why don’t you just relax?” | OCD is not just stress; it’s a mental health condition with intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and compulsions | “I’m here if you need to talk or if there’s anything I can do.” |
| “At least your house is clean.” | Assumes OCD is just about cleanliness when it’s much more complex | “OCD isn’t just about tidiness. I understand it’s tough for you.” |
| “Aren’t you cured yet?” | OCD is a chronic condition that often requires lifelong management | “I hope your treatment is helping. Let me know if you need support.” |
| “Stop overreacting.” | Dismisses their struggles and makes them feel invalidated | “I understand this is distressing for you. I’m here to support you.” |
| “Just be more positive.” | Suggests OCD is just about negative thinking, which it isn’t | “I know you’re dealing with a lot. Let me know how I can help.” |
| “You’re just doing this for attention.” | Most people with OCD try to hide their symptoms, not seek attention | “I know you’re not choosing to feel this way. I support you.” |
Can TMS Help for OCD?
Yes, transcranial magnetic stimulation (or TMS) has helped many people cope with and overcome their OCD. Speak to Neuralia TMS about getting treatment for OCD. This might be for yourself or a loved one. Contact us for a consultation and book an appointment to get a diagnosis and treatment recommendation.
What Not to Say to Someone with OCD FAQs
Is telling someone with OCD to “Snap out of it” helpful?
No, telling someone with OCD to snap out of it is not helpful. People with OCD can’t always control their thoughts or emotions, or their reactions to these thoughts and emotions. Telling them to snap out of it is insensitive, and may add to their stress and anxiety. A better alternative is to offer your help, look at the situation from their perspective, and be empathetic.
Can saying “You’re wasting time with these rituals” be harmful?
Yes, telling someone with OCD that they’re wasting their time with compulsive rituals can be harmful and elevate their anxiety. Thoughts associated with OCD are intrusive, and often make the person feel a lack of control. Be more understanding and bear with them instead.
Why shouldn’t I tell someone with OCD that “It’s not a big deal”?
Saying, “It’s not a big deal” to someone with OCD trivialises the condition. People with OCD need to seek treatment from qualified healthcare providers. Making it seem like it’s not a serious mental health condition may cause them to struggle with the condition alone and not seek treatment.
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